Thursday, September 22, 2005 11:47 PM
ryanseals
Mile 26
I think my apartment gets lonelier every day, especially at night.
It's like every time I walk back into it, more "happiness" has been
sucked out, and I just feel lonely. I feel devoid of air, like I can't
motivate myself to do the things I need to do, like I'm stuck. In a
rut. Detached. Tired of being lonely. I try to find things to do after
work every night so I'm not just
sitting here, by myself, the
blackness outside pressing in, nothing to do but play on the Internet,
watch bad TV or worry myself to death over something.
I don't even want to type blog entries, much. Happier times of my life
are coming up, and soon, which I know will cure this feeling of
blah. But man, waiting for that time to get here is kind of hard.
People have said all along that the very end of the deployment is the
hardest. I have to say that every part of a deployment is hard, but the
last stretch is definitely the most
tiring -- it's like the
last stretch of a marathon, and I'm exhausted, but the end is in sight
and I just. have. to. keep. pushing. Ryan's said the same thing, and so
has his family -- these last few months have just felt so LONG. Longer
than all the months before put together.
Must get out of this rut. I'm one of the lucky ones. Must feel happy and go frolic in the fields with butterflies or something.
-- Christy