Ryan and Christy's Place

Bear with me. I'm about to quote a lovely chick flick called "The Wedding Date." Believe me, I'm not "waxing philosophical" after seeing this movie, but something resonated with me.

The male character in the movie says to the female character at one point, "I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met."

I'll pause while all the men reading this gag and all the females swoon.

OK, back to business. The reason it resonated? The concept of missing something you don't know, or can't remember. For me, right now I'm missing things I can't remember about Ryan. The little things.

The sound of his voice escapes me sometimes. I try to play it, to remember it in my head, but it slips away.

I wonder what his face looks like when it's not blurred through the Web cam connection. When I see it clearly, or in pictures, it's a surprise. Wow, Ryan has eyebrows!

His smell. It's gone from his shirts, the combination of soap and Red Zone deoderant. I brought them out today but I smelled nothing. I may be reduced to sniffing men's deoderant in the aisle of Wal-Mart soon.

We used to say funny things to each other. Little inside jokes, one-liners that only we knew. I can't remember them now. I know they're there, hidden in the back of my mind, but I can't reach them. Where'd they go? (At times like this, I really need Dumbledore's Pensieve.)

I'm missing things I don't even know. I can't even come up with a proper list. I know all the things about Ryan that I love -- how kind he is, and strong, how funny. I still remember the person that I love. But the little things, the little quirks, are gone, and that's sad.

So I'm missing things I can't remember, and I'm sad I can't remember them. Sure, I guess they'll return when he comes back, but I don't want anyone telling me that "his quirks will come back and I'll be sick of them soon enough!" Yeah, not good advice. Doesn't make me feel better. Thanks though.

I'm off to Wal-Mart. There's an aisle of deoderant with my name on it.

-- Christy