Sunday, August 14, 2005 2:13 AM
ryanseals
Oh no, my 'chute is just a backpack!
Most of the time when I think about how I felt at the beginning of Ryan's deployment, what comes to mind is the two of us, standing on the edge of a huge cliff, staring out into nothing but blackness. Not being able to move back, but not being able to see enough to move forward.
When he left, I had to take a lot of things on faith. Faith that it would be OK. Faith that I would see him again. Faith that I could hold my head high and lead my life while he was gone. Faith in a reason for it all.
Faith has always been central to my life as a Christian; the thinking that not everything can be explained or reasoned, but a belief in a higher power. Faith so strong that it rooted in me and became my core belief system, and still is. Still, I found it hard to make the leap of faith off that dark cliff before his deployment, even though all I believe in life in my religion is based on faith. But that dark cliff scared me.
It's frightening, not knowing at all what lies ahead. You have to have something to get you through a deployment, I think. Maybe you have to have several things -- that's probably more true. But you have to have SOMETHING to keep your wits about you.
Mainly, if you're about to send a loved one off, or already have, and are feeling lost, try to find something. Blogs to read, friends to talk to, activities, Psalms (Psalms 91 is particuarly comforting; I read it just about every night). They say it's an Army of One, but you don't have to be a Wife of One, or a Fiancee of One, or whatever it may be. It's OK to be scared and seek help, even if you might not want to.
Easier said than done. But it can even be from the comfort of your computer. E-mail groups; message boards; Web sites; instant messenger. Google is such a valuable tool for finding people in a similar situation. Find common ground. Find someone to leap with.
Making the leap of faith is hard, but it's better if you have people to jump with you. Or maybe, even, to hold the net to keep you from falling to the ground.
-- Christy