Thought number 101
It has been my usual “long time” since I last my weblog. As I got the chance to sit down and compose something of substance, I took a look at the recent blogs of other soldiers on this site. Seeing their logs actually helped shape what I’m writing about now.
One of the other blogers is stationed right here with me on FOB Normandy. In both SSG P’s blog and Ryan Seals blog they talk about something that happens to a lot of us here in Iraq. That is our daily dealing with the persistent threat of road side bombs; called IED’s by the military. Explosions are something that happens in warfare. Since I can remember, I’ve been in a military where we controlled most of the explosions and the majority of them where created by us. That opinion changed a year ago when I came here for OIF III. (They really need to think about renaming this current operation; it’s giving OIF – The Invasion a bad name and nobody likes bad sequels) Now, the majority of the explosions are caused by road side bombs. Because of the fact that the anti-collation fighters use these surprises attack tactics, (they don’t call up range control and let us know about their plans) it leaves an undeniable mental scar on the soldiers who have to face these threats.
In OIF, I sat in my Bradley and watched explosion after explosion caused by enemy mortars land about 600 meters short of my platoon’s position. It was the first time I had seen an actual enemy “wall of lead” being created in front of me. The Iraqi guy in charge of that barrage should have been commended as he was using his small mortars to effectively create a line of death in the dessert out side of An Najef, Iraq. Fortunately for us, they could not range us, but we could range their protective walls. We were given orders that we were not going to become engaged with the enemy here and that we were going to move onto another spot to the north. One of the Iraq mortar guys friends must have pulled up in his white pick-up truck and brought with him a larger mortar tube because within minutes of us moving back they had that baby firing air burst projectiles. I remember that we were coming to a point in the dessert where all the tracks had to go single file down a slope to get to where we were going. The enemy gunner must of seen the Bradley’s making that move, because 30 meters in the air above the choke point was where the “white puffs” started to appear. I had just started to reach over the turret to the gunners hatch and close it when I heard one of these go off. I must have been the most exposed I could have been in my Bradley with my torso half way out the turret slamming the gunners hatch shut. I turned to the sound of the explosion and noticed the white cloud about 25 meters above me to the right side of my vehicle. As I got back down into my hatch I thought for a second about the luck I had just experienced as the shrapnel all went away from my track. (By the way, my gunner did thank me for closing his catch.)
The point of my recounting of the above incident is so that I can try and compare how the IED treat is worse on the psyche of a soldier than what people may realize. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder has become a joke to some as it is used explain strange actions of Hollywood characters and in criminal cases will be used by defense attorney’s a legitimate reason for defendants to get mental hospital sentences instead of the federal penitentiary @$$ poundings they may deserve. I think that all soldiers get it to some degree, but what makes it different from one individual to the next is how they deal with it. What kind of mental tools do they have that can keep it in check, so when the thoughts of the unknown linger back into the mind, a person can push those thoughts aside and move on. Over here, the surprise and the violence that could be created by a single blast are the root of the unknown. It is true that armies have always used surprise to initiate attacks but when every attack on you becomes a surprise attack then you can never get over the fear of the unknown. It is a haunting deep inside the back of your mind that makes you take a moment as you are preparing to go out the wire … what if. You can always be vigilant when you outside of the FOB, but you can never be prepared for a surprise all the time. That “what if” becomes worse once you’ve known someone who has been on a patrol that has been hit. The voice becomes louder once you’ve been on a patrol that has been hit. The voice is pretty darn screaming loud once you’ve been in a vehicle that has been hit. I thank my Lord in hopes that I won’t ever be in an incident that makes that voice get any louder.
I usually ride in M1114 Hummers when I go out the gate, but in my capacity I also protect the 1SG when he goes out, so sometimes I ride in a venerable M113 track “ambulance.” Every now and then I get to ride in a Bradley. That’s funny being that I’m the Bradley Master Gunner. I find that I have I new step to my pre-departure checks as I get into a Hummer or M113. For some reason, it helps if I just take a moment to look at the seat where I’ll be sitting and push any unknowns out of my mind. It’s not easy as there are at least 100 different doubts that have to be pushed aside. It’s like spinning the roulette wheel in Vegas … 37 to 1 that it’s going to nail my seat. Okay, maybe that is a bad example, as I’ve gotten pretty good at roulette on a video game I played. Make that thought number 101.