SSG Russell G. Wilson and Janet Wilson

I have no idea what you are going through, I can only imagine. But, I just wanted you to know that I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Just trust in the Lord, he is our greatest rock, and he will help you in everything. God bless you and your husband. Also, congratulations on your upcoming blessing. Keep focusing on the little one.

Hey, just hang in there and keep believing that your husband is doing a great thing and something to be proud of. If you wuld like feel free to email my wife at apac@a-znet.com. Her name is tracy and we both post on the blog. We have been married 6 years and she was never a military spouse. I was on IRR for 5 years and denied reignation. I am sure she would be more than happy to talk about it with you. She is not pegnant but is home with 3 girls 5 1/2, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 so trust me she is frustrated. Otherwise hang in there. We will all be home before you know it.

Janet,
Here are some of the things that have helped get me through my husband's deployment. He too is an IRR soldier and had resigned from the Army over 3 years ago to pursue his career and concentrate on building our family. We've been together for over 11 years and married for 6 of them. Ed is currently in Iraq and also has a blog on Armyadvice.org.

1. Once he got to Iraq, I found it best to avoid most news about Iraq and especially about casualties. I watch the news or look at news websites only on the days that I'm feeling particularly strong and coping well with his deployment. On bad days, I avoid the news all together. This is kind of strange for me since I like to be well informed about the world, but I've found that I worry a little less and worrying less is what deployment is about for those of us left behind.

2. Please know that your emotions are absolutely normal and you are right to be feeling everything that you are feeling. Throw in pregnancy hormones and the volume on those emotions are turned up even more. When Ed left for Ft. Sill, then Iraq, I was angry, sad, frustrated, and absolutely disgusted that the military could interrupt our lives. You need to let yourself feel all of it.

3. Get involved in something outside of the home. Prenatal exercise classes are actually fun. I was in a prenatal water aerobics class (something I never imagined I would be a part of). It was wonderful to be in a pool full of pregnant women in all different stages of their pregnancies. We all had something in common so it became a very social and fun time. They are also great non-military contacts (see #4). Being back in school has also helped tremendously. I've been able to throw myself into studying and getting ready for my new career. This has been great for me and I know that Ed completely supports it. It is something outside of our relationship that I can focus on and at the same time it is a building block for our future.

4. Build a supportive network of military and non-military friends. We don't live on a military base and the closest one is a good hour drive from the house. I have a great supportive group of friends from school and also a terrific group of neighbors who check up on me. I can call a whole list of people at any time to arrange dinner, have coffee, or just chat. Let people know what you need. They truly want to help but often don't know what to say or do.

5. Even if you don't feel like getting out and doing something, go do it. This one is tough for me because I'm great at wallowing and moping around the house. Get out and walk, go to movies, do something that you might not do if your husband were around. At first, the hardest thing for me was doing the things that Ed and I normally do together. I found myself tearing up in the middle of the grocery store because we like to shop and cook together. So, now I've found some people I can have dinner with and who also like to cook together. It all makes the time go by faster. Before I knew it (and I know it seems impossible right now), I was actually finding a little bit of happiness here and there on a daily basis. It can happen but you have to let yourself go through the stages.

6. Take care of yourself and your baby. This really should be #1. Eat well, get lots of rest, exercise and don't let yourself get isolated.

You are doing it right by reaching out to people and asking what you can do. Deployment is a day by day thing. He will be home before you know it and this will all be behind you. I hope this helps in some way. Please let me know if there is anything you need. I don't want to post my e-mail on a public website. Feel free to contact me through Ed.

Another reluctant IRR spouse,
Christine Quayle